HELP RAISE AWARENESS FOR VICTIMS OF ABUSE

2008-06-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

Thank you to those who have sent me messages of encouragement and strength!

I have done so much research on abusive relationships and have re-read the links posted in my last post. You should too because it seriously does explain the behaviour of stalkers/abusive partners and how they manipulate you! I just can not believe the length abusers go through just to "prove a point" or feel more "superior." Honestly, I think it's pathetic, and I'm sure not the only one who thinks this way!

Do you know anyone who:

*Has changed...barely leaves the house...have social problems?
*Seem much more quiet than usual?
*Has a partner that talks down to them in even the slightest of ways when you're there? Imagine when you're not!
*Has become depressed and/or have suicidal tendencies?
*Physically looks ill or stressed?
*Has thinning hair?

Although these could be symptoms of other underlying causes, why hasn't their partner done anything to help their situation?! Clearly this states, "DEPRESSION" in big letters!

YOUR FRIEND NEEDS YOUR HELP! Don't sit there, listening to their partner, saying she's turned into an anti social b*ch! YOU KNOW your friend/family member! And she was happier without him!

So many people out there need help! Post your experiences, whether it be here or somewhere else! Be heard and make friends with those whom have been in similar situations...or whom just want to lend a helping hand.

SPEAK UP! BE HEARD! BE FREE!!!!!

Let it be known that it IS NOT OK to be used as a punching bag OR to be manipulated for the abusers own benefits!

Don't let the abused stay silenced!

Much love,
-M-
-XoX-

No Excuse For Abuse

2008-06-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

I'd just like to share this link and article for all girls/women who are/have been in an abusive relationship with a psychopathic stalker. I found it extremely helpful and it literally describes my jail bird/drug induced ex boyfriend, who couldn't handle the fact that I had moved on with my life, doing great without him around to bring me down. The bad thing is, it's far worse now that he's not around...He's actually making everything backfire onto me 'coz he knows the system much better than I do and HE KNOWS THAT. Even the police have told me that!!! I'm really worried of the outcome. I'm worried not only for my life, but my parents and even my pet (Yes, he's stabbed one of them already and I was too scared to leave, so I sent my other pet away from his harm). Despite having an intervention order placed against him, he outsmarts the system and myself...worms his way back into my life, drains me of my money, my belongings and my own life just to support his own habit. Here are 10 ways to spot a psychopath before you make the same mistakes as many of us, including myself:

10 ways to spot an abusive man/woman

To read comments I've received so far and watch a helpful video, go to:

MY OTHER BLOG

Your abusive ex is likely to cope with the pain and humiliation of separation by spreading lies, distortions, and half-truths about you and by proffering self-justifying interpretations of the events leading to the break-up. By targeting your closest, nearest, and dearest – your family, your children, boss, colleagues, co-workers, neighbours, and friends – your ex hopes to achieve two equally unrealistic goals:

1.

To isolate you socially and force you to come running back to his waiting and "loving" arms.

2.

To communicate to you that he still "loves" you, is still interested in you and your affairs and that, no matter what, you are inseparable. He magnanimously is willing to forgive all the "horrible things" you did to him and revive the relationship (which, after all, had its good moments).

All abusers present with rigid and infantile (primitive) defence mechanisms: splitting, projection, Projective Identification, denial, intellectualisation, and narcissism. But some abusers go further and decompensate by resorting to self-delusion. Unable to face the dismal failures that they are, they partially withdraws from reality.

How to cope with delusional, paranoid – and, therefore, dangerous – stalkers?

It may be difficult, but turn off your emotions. Abusers prey on other people's empathy, pity, altruism, nostalgia, and tendency to lend a helping hand. Some stalkers "punish" themselves – drink to excess, commit offences and get caught, abuse drugs, have accidents, fall prey to scams – in order to force their victims to pity them and get in touch.

The only viable coping strategy is to ignore your abusive ex. Take all necessary precautions to protect yourself and your family. Alert law enforcement agencies to any misbehaviour, violence, or harassment. File charges and have restraining orders issued. But, otherwise, avoid all gratuitous interactions.

* Be sure to maintain as much contact with your abuser as the courts, counsellors, mediators, guardians, or law enforcement officials mandate.

* Do NOT contravene the decisions of the system. Work from the inside to change judgments, evaluations, or rulings – but NEVER rebel against them or ignore them. You will only turn the system against you and your interests.

* But with the exception of the minimum mandated by the courts – decline any and all gratuitous contact with the narcissist.

* Do not respond to his pleading, romantic, nostalgic, flattering, or threatening e-mail messages.

* Return all gifts he sends you.

* Refuse him entry to your premises. Do not even respond to the intercom.

* Do not talk to him on the phone. Hang up the minute you hear his voice while making clear to him, in a single, polite but firm, sentence, that you are determined not to talk to him.

* Do not answer his letters.

* Do not visit him on special occasions, or in emergencies.

* Do not respond to questions, requests, or pleas forwarded to you through third parties.

* Disconnect from third parties whom you know are spying on you at his behest.

* Do not discuss him with your children.

* Do not gossip about him.

* Do not ask him for anything, even if you are in dire need.

* When you are forced to meet him, do not discuss your personal affairs – or his.

* Relegate any inevitable contact with him – when and where possible – to professionals: your lawyer, or your accountant.

Do not collude or collaborate in your ex's fantasies and delusions. You cannot buy his mercy or his goodwill – he has none. Do not support his notions, even indirectly, that he is brilliant, perfect, irresistibly handsome, destined for great things, entitled, powerful, wealthy, the centre of attention, etc. Abusers act on these misperceptions and try to coerce you into becoming an integral part of their charades.

Abuse is a criminal offence and, by definition, abusers are criminals: they lack empathy and compassion, have deficient social skills, disregard laws, norms, contracts, and morals. You can't negotiate with your abusive ex and you can't strike a bargain with him. You can't reform, cure, or recondition him. He is a threat to you, to your property, and to your dear ones. Treat him as such.

The most dangerous class of abusers is the paranoid-delusional. If your ex is one of these, he is likely to:

1.

Believe that you still love him (erotomania). Interpret everything you do or say – even to third parties – as "hidden messages" addressed to him and professing your undying devotion (ideas of reference).

2.

Confuse the physical with the emotional (regard sex as "proof" of love and be prone to rape you).

3.

Blame the failure of the relationship on you or on others – social workers, your friends, your family, your children.

4.

Seek to "remove" the obstacles to a "happy" and long relationship – sometimes by resorting to violence (kidnapping or murdering the sources of frustration).

5.

Be very envious of your newfound autonomy and try to sabotage it by reasserting his control over you (for instance, break and enter into your house, leave intrusive messages on your answering machine, follow you around and monitor your home from a stationary car).

6.

Harm you (and sometimes himself) in a fit of indignation (and to punish you) if he feels that no renewed relationship is possible.

7.

Develop persecutory delusions. Perceive slights and insults where none are intended. Become convinced that he is the centre of a conspiracy to deny him (and you) happiness, to humiliate him, punish him, delude him, impoverish him, confine him physically or intellectually, censor him, impose on his time, force him to action (or to inaction), frighten him, coerce him, surround and besiege him, change his mind, part with his values, victimise or even murder him, and so on.

The paranoid's conduct is unpredictable and there is no "typical scenario". But experience shows that you can minimise the danger to yourself and to your household by taking some simple steps.

To read more, click here

Stalkers - Abusive Relationships

HELP RAISE AWARENESS FOR VICTIMS OF ABUSE

No Excuse For Abuse